My husband was out of town for a few days for work, and I realized how much he does to help me. Purely existing when he is not there is more challenging than I realized. It's a constant 'would you rather?' game chronic illness forces me to play. Would you rather shower, or get the trash cans inside?

Recently, someone from the HOA sent us a picture of our trash cans still out, a 'visible failure' of an 'invisible struggle.' It reminded me that the world often only sees the messy yard, the forgotten chores, or the tired eyes. They don't see the monumental effort behind them. They just say, 'try harder.'

But what I've learned is that I am trying. I'm putting everything I have into this failing report card. My hope is that by sharing my story, we can all learn to look at others with more empathy and less judgment.

In the desert town of Sunny Scales, a little bearded dragon named Thorn loved to drum. He'd tap his claws on anything he could find, but no one understood his passion. "A good bearded dragon basks and hunts, not bangs on things!" his family would say. The other young dragons just snickered.

One day, a music festival came to town. Thorn, with wobbly legs but a brave heart, climbed onto an empty stage and started to play. He poured all his dreams into the beat, and soon, a crowd gathered. Their feet began to tap, and their heads began to bob.

When he finished, the crowd cheered, and the festival organizer invited him to play in the grand finale. That night, under the stars, Thorn played his heart out. His drumming was amazing! From that day on, he was known as Thorn the Drummer. He learned that the most important thing is to follow your dreams, even if they seem a little different to everyone else.

"The game of 'Would You Rather' used to be fun, filled with silly, low-stakes questions. But living with a chronic illness has turned it into a constant, no-win reality. Would you rather skip a shower because you're too dizzy, or take one and spend two hours recovering? Would you rather honestly answer 'how are you?' and make others uncomfortable, or carry the weight of your struggles alone?

This post is a journey through the impossible choices I face daily and the unhelpful 'shoulds' that can make me feel isolated. It’s an exploration of the crucial difference between trying to fix someone's unfixable problem and simply validating their struggle. Because in a game with no good choices, the real win is finding genuine connection and support."

On what would have been her 91st birthday, I honor my Grandma Mardy – a woman whose strength was as unyielding as her honesty. In this post I reflect on the unexpected bonds forged across generations and the profound lessons learned from family members navigating illness, loss, and the relentless pursuit of living life on their own terms.