My Rock and My Shadow

Events took place 2020 – present

It’s funny to think now that I wasn’t a cat person. I say “wasn’t” in the past tense, and honestly, I am not sure that I am a cat person now as much as a cat has chosen me as her person. Oh Charlie. I remember when I met her, but that’s not where the story truly begins. It all started when I went on a date with this man I met on the internet, and he told me he had a cat. I don’t remember if I told him then or not, but I remember thinking, “I’m allergic to cats, and I don’t really like them.” Realistically, I probably didn’t tell him. I liked him, and I wanted him to like me… so I probably didn’t want to tell him right away I wasn’t going to like his baby. Haha. 

You know those dates you go on that you wish could last forever? I can’t say I have had many dates I felt this way about, but this first date was one of them for sure. We were instantly obsessed with each other. I’m not using that word lightly, trust me! I was over an hour late to dinner because I was delivering lasagnas (don’t worry, I let him know every step of the way) and gave him a million chances to reschedule or cancel, but he didn’t. Then, when I got there, we didn’t even eat dinner. After asking a few times if we were ready to order, our waiter more or less gave up. We literally stayed until we were the last people in the restaurant, and they had to gently kick us out. I wonder if they could see what I was feeling… this date was not a normal date. 

I remember reading the message he sent about how I would know it was him when I got there, “bald guy in an orange coat,” and I remember seeing him waiting outside when I parked. I had no question that was him standing there. It was such a cold night, and there was snow on the ground. If I didn’t already feel bad for being so late, I sure did now! He didn’t seem to mind. He just smiled at me. I felt comfortable instantly. We just sat there, and talked, about everything. Previously, I had a “rule” about dating a guy with kids. He had two of them, from a previous marriage (another one of my “rules”), he also told me that due to his vision he did not drive. When I was in college, all I wanted was a guy with a job and a car. Obviously in my 30s, this had changed, but I don’t think either of those left the desired list. And a cat? Ugh. 

Growing up we had lots of pets. One of our cats, Okoh, was pretty mean to me, and by pretty mean, I mean he bit me A LOT! I don’t mean the cute love bites cats sometimes give. I mean full on, head shaking, leaving marks on my body bites. I lived in the basement, and so did he, so we spent a lot of time together. His food was in my bathroom, so when I was in there, he would meow at me for food. I learned, he would bite me if I fed him, and also if I didn’t… so, I decided I wasn’t a cat person. The only cat I remember really liking was named Jayhawk. He spent most of his time outside, I think to avoid Okoh. When Jayhawk would come inside to eat, or spend time with us, he was more like a dog, social and sweet. In fact, he was so much like a dog he didn’t even seem to mind when one of our dogs literally carried him around by his head. It was adorable to see Jayhawks whole body hanging down from the dogs mouth, and then having a mohawk of slobber when the dog put him down. When he was ready to come back inside he would wait for one of us to get home, and run to the door to greet us. Often he would even roll over on his back for belly scratches. Since I felt like Jayhawk was more like a dog, I felt it was okay to love him and keep my “not a cat person” title.

To be fair, at this point I still didn’t know Charlie would be entering my life, or even that she existed. What I did know is that my date, AKA Charlie’s dad, unknowingly was teaching me to break all of my “rules” of dating, and I was not upset about it. He was a practice date, really. After Covid and my breakup, I hadn’t dated much, and I was very over online dating. Jared was my practice date to “getting back in.” Later I found out that I was a practice date for him too! He recently got divorced, and after doing some therapy felt that he was ready to start dating again too.  

Here we were, sitting in a bar, and it was like the whole world had melted away around us. Along with that, all of my “rules,” did not seem important. I just wanted to be here with him. I remember telling him at one point that I felt bad for talking so much. He looked at me, but his hands under his chin and said, “no, please don’t stop. I like listening to you.” Honestly, I am not sure if I have ever experienced that before. Yet again, I was feeling instantly comforted. After not eating dinner and now knowing that he didn’t drive I offered to drive him home. He told me he could just get an Uber, but I didn’t really want our night to end. When we pulled up to his house we just sat in the car for a minute. I’m not going to lie, I had one of those “I hope he invites me in,” moments while we sat there. Luckily, he did and that was when he told me more about the cat. When we walked in the door, she came running toward me like we were old friends. She was so little, and all black.

“This is Charlie”

I didn’t know it then, but I now think Charlie’s life mission is to make everyone a cat person. It’s like she senses that others might not like cats, so she snuggles them and will relentlessly love them until she wins them over. Seriously, it not just me! I can think of at least a handful of people that I have witnessed saying they don’t like cats, or are even afraid of them, that leave the house being (even just slightly) less sure.

Jared cooked me dinner, since we didn’t eat at the restaurant. Again, I didn’t know this yet, but he is a wonderful cook! He made me fried rice, and a sazerac. I had never even heard of a sazerac, so I leaned on his counter to watch him work. As I was trying not show on my face how impressed I was, Charlie jumped on my back and just laid on me. Sure, she had sharp claws, but I thought it was so cute I wasn’t even upset. That might have been the first moment that I questioned my cat status. Before meeting Charlie, I usually felt like cats did not initiate contact. It seemed more like the human had to put a lot of work into the relationship. Not with Charlie. She was instantly sweet and wonderful. Oh, and SO SOFT! Also, you can hear her purr from a mile away! That’s dramatic, but honestly you can hear her from across the room or on a different floor. 

Ready for the spoiler alert? I married my practice date. Jared is my person. He is amazing and wonderful, and more than I could’ve wished for in a partner. His children, who I never would’ve met with my previous “rules,” are now my whole world. I love them so much, and I cannot imagine my life without them in it. As far as the car thing, it didn’t bother me to be the driver of the house, until MS got in the way and gave me double vision. Driving with double vision is not the best idea, in case you’re wondering. Vision problems were just the tip of the iceberg. My whole life was turned upside down when I was told about “lesions consistent with multiple sclerosis.” That’s not something I was prepared for. Although I am the one with the diagnosis, it is something we are all going through, and we have all had to make a lot of changes.

When I returned from the hospital after my MS diagnosis, everyone helped me in learning how I would have to live differently. Jared helped me by setting up appointments, buying me supplies, researching, and even holding me up when my legs refused to function. The girls started doing more around the house, started making their own food and snacks, and getting me things I needed so I didn’t have to get up. In the beginning, I laid on the couch 12 hours a day. I was still trying to figure out what my life looked like now. My mom came over every day for a while, just to help try to get the pieces put back together. I don’t remember the exact moment that Charlie chose me as her person. It happened though. She became my little black shadow. The only time she left was to go eat a few bites, drink some water, and came right back to lay with me. When I got up, she got up. If I went to the bathroom she would wait outside of the door and meow at me until I was done. Eventually, I started to just let her in with me; it was quieter that way. I would say I only pee alone half the time now. Haha. Even now, she greets me at the door when I get home, meows outside the door of my bedroom when she knows I’m awake, and follows me everywhere I go. As I am typing this, she is laying on my computer with her chin on my right arm. I’m not sure whether to blame her or the MS for the tingling I can feel in my fingers as I type. 

With MS, walking can be challenging too, and a tiny little black kitty weaving in between your walker does not make it easier, surprisingly. Although I tell her, “You’re lucky you’re cute,” often, I am relieved for the ability to take a break as she stretches in front of me. Sometimes I wonder if she’s giving me a reason to pause when I’m walking. Like my little furry physical therapist. She seems to know what I need. She’s there for me, no matter what. When I’m feeling really upset, she will just lay next to me. She never used to do that. It used to be when she laid on the couch it would either be on the back of it by the window so she could look out, or on the arm. I don’t remember a time until now that she would lay next to someone on the couch. It feels like she knows when her little body feels too heavy for me. So, she doesn’t lay on me, she just lays next to me. A lot of times she will reach out her paw, and just touch me. As if to say, “I got you.” She’s quite the comforting presence. Then, there are other moments she knows when I need a friend, and she just lays on me and purrs. Also, comforting and reassuring. It’s almost as if I can feel her purr through my whole body. Like she is trying to soothe the MS symptoms of numbness and tingling I seem to experience regularly. She finds a way to nuzzle her way into everything I am doing, but in a way that does not prevent me from doing it. It’s almost like she makes my life feel possible again. 

Like I said, Charlie has been on a mission to convert me since we met. She’s not like one of those sales people in the mall that want to know about your cable service provider, or a phone call about switching to Verizon. She’s more like a traveling Costco sample lady. She comes to you, the supply is basically endless, and there aren’t a bunch of other people fighting you for her attention. She’s just there, and seems to know what you need, and is pleased to be able to provide it. And… IT’S FREE! Not only does Charlie give her love without a price, but Jared adopted her during “free cat day,” at the Humane Society. She’s a pretty remarkable little furball.